Jennifer Connelly Double Feature: Phenomena and The Labyrinth

Jennifer Connelly might not be the greatest actress around, and it seems to me like she's had some work done to herself lately, so she looks sort of weird now... but she used to do some kick-ass movies. Here are a few from her severe eyebrow days: Dario Argento's Phenomena and Jim Henson's Labyrinth.



Phenomena
1985
Directed by Dario Argento

Surprisingly, this is my first time watching a film by the legendary Italian master of horror, Dario Argento (Suspiria, Tenebre). Featuring a fifteen-year-old Connelly as Jennifer Corvino, an insect-loving girl attending a private school in a remote region of Switzerland, Phenomena is certainly one of the oddest horror movies I've been privy to.

Jennifer arrives in a weird area of Switzerland that people keep referring to as "the Swiss Transylvania," home to a mountain wind that supposedly drives people mad. She arrives at a fancy private school in a smallish town with a serial killer on the loose. Naturally, this killer preys on schoolgirls, of which there are plenty in this film - thank you Mr. Argento! With the help of a disabled entomologist (Donald Pleasance, of multiple Halloweens) and his scalpel-weilding chimpanzee helper, Jennifer discovers that she is able to communicate telepathically with insects. She also begins sleepwalking, and begins to find clues to who and where the serial killer might be located, as more murders occur in gory detail. Argento doesn't bother explaining any of the weirdness; but you probably won't bother questioning it either, as Phenomena really seems to operate by its own peculiar logic.


An engaging mash-up of slasher horror shlock and hallucinogenic art-house, Phenomena is a true original. It seems cheesy at first with its odd cinematography and goofy soundtrack by horror standbys Goblin, but somehow, as the film progresses, these elements begin to click, creating an unusually atmospheric experience. The dialogue and acting is awkward and frequently laughable, but has its moments of inspired lunacy. In fact, "inspired lunacy" probably best describes the whole film. The story is completely absurd, but that actually works in its favour. Once you stop judging it by preset standards, you will enjoy Phenomena a lot more; just don't expect it to be anything close to normal.

There's enough gore to go around, as well as scares and some genuinely creepy moments. On top of that, Phenomena features one of the best horror-movie endings ever, totally classic. Not perfect, and probably rather jarring for viewers used to more formulaic horror, this is nonetheless a lot of fun to watch.

7.6



Labyrinth
1986
Directed by Jim Henson

Starring none other than David Bowie, and featuring the amazing muppetry of Jim Henson, Labyrinth is a popular childhood favourite that probably doesn't need to be reviewed by me. But I'm gonna do it anyway, tra la la.

If for some reason you haven't seen this film already, here's a synopsis: Sarah (Jennifer Connelley) is a bratty young girl who is obsessed with fantasy and fairy tales, and resents her parents and her baby brother for making her life crappy. So, one night she makes a wish that the Goblin King (Bowie) will come and take her brother away - so he does. Sarah regrets her actions and must pass through a labyrinth, cross the goblin city and enter the castle of the Goblin King in order to get her brother back. She meets a bunch of oddball characters (Henson's wide array of muppets) who help (and hinder) her on her way.


David Bowie is in full glam garb, but this is a good decade after Ziggy Stardust and it's sometimes a little bit embarrassing watching him - particularly at least one dreadful, cringe-inducing musical interlude. But that's part of what makes Labyrinth fun - and funny. Bowie actually brings quite a lot of character to the role, and he sure gives a stand-out performance - at least, his package sure does. Never before or after did a children's movie feature such a prominent display of eye-catching pelvic bulge. These distractions aside, the movie is surprisingly good. Some of the humour falls flat, but more often than not, it hits the mark. It still makes me laugh, anyway.

The soundtrack is goofy mid-eighties new-wave with Bowie's distinctive but sometimes oddly off-tune crooning here and there; other than that, there's not an over-abundance of musical numbers, thank the gods. As I've said already, Henson's various puppets are typically entertaining. Sure, they always sort of look similar in all of his projects, but they look great and should please any CG animation-haters out there. Connelly and her eyebrows aren't too bad either. (Eyebrow severity rating: 8.5) She's pretty young and it's a cheesy 80's movie, so what can you expect? She has her moments. I don't like when she says, "Well, come on, feet!" But I guess I can't complain.

Labyrinth may not be a masterpiece (I still think Ridley Scott's Legend is far superior), but it's still a classic. In any case, it's a hell of a lot better and more creative than any kids' movies coming out nowadays. Yeah, it might have some kinda scary scenes that might make your bastard children cry, but what do I care? I like it, and so does pretty much everybody I know who's seen it. Whatever happened to movies like this? The Dark Crystal? The Neverending Story? Gone the way of the dinos it seems. Unfortunately for us, all we get is crap like Madagascar now.

7.5