Kiki's Delivery Service

Kiki's Delivery Service
1989
Directed by Hayao Miyazaki

Many people are familiar with Hayao Miyazaki and Studion Ghibli because of Princess Mononoke and Spirited Away, two of my favourite movies. Miyazaki, often called "the Japanese Walt Disney," has been a prolific creator of animated movies for children and adults (and continues to be, as he just released the well-received Ponyo earlier this year.) The thing is, Miyazaki is better than disney. His characters are more complex, his imagination has no bounds, and there are no embarassing musical interludes to be found in any of his movies. (Yeah, yeah, Disney was pretty good too...)

I'm a bit obsessed with this guy - actually I bought all of his movies together earlier this year, a bit of an impulse buy. But really, they're probably the most consistent collection of animated feature films you will ever get your hands on, so don't hesitate to do so.

Kiki's Delivery Service is markedly different from most of the other Studio Ghibli films. It's a story about a thirteen-year-old witch who leaves home for a year on a traditional pilgrimmage before becoming a proper witch. It does not contain: antagonists; magic, other than flying on a broom and a talking cat; battles; a handsome prince. All of this works in its favour. A relatively conflict-free film, it's mostly about Kiki's attempts at establishing herself in the world and building her confidence.

Anyone could be forgiven for thinking that this would be the most boring movie in the world. Actually, it's totally engaging from the very beginning, but in a very down-to-earth way; it's actually a movie you can relate to. After leaving home, Kiki finds herself in a beautifully realized, bustling seaside city that she adopts as her new home. Lacking any other magical skills, she decides to use her flying ability to start a delivery service (surprise surprise.) While there, she meets Tombo, a young aviation enthusiast who takes an immediate shine to her (but not so much the other way around.) Of course, business and the opposite sex are both pretty difficult for a thirteen-year-old girl. Kiki also has a tendency to get depressed, especially when the world doesn't meet her rather naive standards of kindness and decency.

This is the kind of kid's movie that children should actually be watching. Forget the implicit message in Disney films that you've gotta marry a rich prince or end up an old hag; forget "ultimate good vs. ultimate evil." Kids might actually learn something from this independent girl who makes a go of it while not asking too much of life, and is thoroughly decent to everybody she meets.

But the real reason I love this movie is the animation. Absolutely stunning, kick-ass, awesome animation. Every scene is beautiful. Even when nothing is happening in th emovie, there is something interesting to look at. The level of artistry in any Miyazaki film is, I think, unparallelled anywhere else. Kiki's Delivery Service is no exception. It's a joy just to see simple sights such as a busy street, geese in flight, a small bakery, the movement of grass in the wind. If there were no plot whatsoever, I would still watch this movie. Dialing down the high fantasy aspects of many of his other films, Miyazaki finds in KDS a certain wonder in the mundane - I almost wish he would make some more movies like it.

I would recommend this movie to mostly anybody. Fans of old-school animation in particular will be in heaven. Kids should really enjoy it also, provided they haven't been screwed up already by the sex and action shit that Hollywood seems intent on directing their way. If even a bitter cynic like myself can enjoy KDS, I suppose only a totaly soulless bastard would find it less than completely charming. One of the best from Studio Ghibli and Hayao Miyazaki.

9.4

By the way, I watched it in Japanese with English subtitles, but English dub is available on the same disc from Disney (who bought the rights to many of the Studio Ghibli titles.) I have no idea how the dubbing is, and I don't intend to find out because it drives me crazy.

New Waterford Girl

New Waterford Girl
1999
Directed by Allan Moyle

Not a lot of people seem to know this quirky independent Canadian film set in New Waterford, Cape Breton. It's a shame, because it's a pretty good coming-of-age comedy, and all the better for its setting. It's actually written by one-time New Waterford resident, Tricia Fish, who adds a lot of authenticity to the dialogues, making this a rare East Coast that those of us from away might actually get a chance to see.

New Waterford Girl stars Liane Balaban (One Week) as fifteen-year-old Mooney Pottie. Mooney spends most of her time reading, memorizing maps of various large cities, and daydreaming of leaving the sleepy seaside town of New Waterford. New Waterford itself seems to be something of a ridiculous charicature of rural east coast life, where people are told to "go and eat your halibut," bullies cower before the Virgin Mary, and pregnancy out of wedlock is tantamount to mortal sin... but with Fish writing, who knows how close to reality this really is! With the arrival of Lou, a young girl from New York City (played by Tara Spencer-Nairn, who Canadians will recognize as Karen from "Corner Gas"), Mooney finds a new friend and confidante. Spurred on by the outgoing Lou, Mooney comes up with an, um, original plan to get herself out of New Waterford and into an art school in New York.

For me, this movie is really enjoyable because of the little things in it: all the local details, the austere and beautiful landscapes of Cape Breton, the many smaller roles, many filled by east coast actors, and the mostly subtle humour interlaced into even the sourest of scenes. Nicholas Campbell always cracks me up as Mooney's grumpy bastard of a father. Andrew McCarthy is pretty good as Mooney's soul-searching teacher.... / love interest?? Hey, teachers, leave them kids alone! Well, in this particular case I can see his point. There's also some awesome jabs at Ontarians and Toronto in particular that I find hilarious; Canada, your name is regionalism! I also think it's funny how Mooney's rebellions all still tend to fit in with her Catholic upbringing. I like that element, it keeps this story more down-to-earth than it could have been otherwise.




The problem is, not everything works well in this movie. There is a running thing about how if you punch somebody and knock them out, that means they're guilty (of, uh, something). Lou seems to have this power, and people like to interpret it as being given by the Virgin Mary to smite evildoers. For a bunch of xenophobes, it seems a rather big stretch to think that the townspeople would use it as a benchmark for proving guilt or innocence in a given situation. I don't know, I just thought it was stupid, personally.

If not underrated, New Waterford Girl is definitely an under-viewed gem - perhaps a little tarnished around the edges. Definitely worth a look for anybody, bonus if you're Canadian to boot.

7.1

Where the Wild Things Are

Where the Wild Things Are
2009
Directed by Spike Jonze

Maybe you're thinking to yourself, "oh man, Where the Wild Things Are, so awesome," but should you believe the hype? Well, I'd say yes, this is an excellent movie, but perhaps not exactly what you're expecting. The first thing I'll say is don't bring the kids. I'd say that about pretty much any movie at all, because I hate it when your kids are there ruining my moviegoing experience, but really: Wild Things, not particularly for the children. Nonetheless, kids would probably find some things to like about it.

Spike Jonze has managed to turn Maurice Sendak's beloved children's book (which was all of ten pages or so, as far as I can remember) into a wonder of a film. Imaginative, funny, visually stunning, and, most surprisingly to me, full of depth and sadness, this is not your average blockbuster. The story starts on an unexpectedly downcast note with the neglected Max, played with surprising ferocity and depth by Max Records (Brothers Bloom, which I sadly haven't seen yet.) Records is clearly "out of control" at the beginning of the film, as his mother tells him, but he seems to just be begging for more attention. Catherine Keener is good as Max's beleaguered single mom.

After a vicious encounter with his mother, Max runs away from home and literally sails to the land of the Wild Things. As far as I know, these guys (and gals) were portrayed by puppets, but with CG tweaking during post-production to make them more emotive. Amazingly true to Sendak's art, the wild things were pretty impressive. Max lands himself right in the middle and ends up becoming the kind of the wild things. This could easily have been a light-hearted fantasy flick from this point on, but I guess it wouldn't exactly be a Spike Jonze film then. Constantly bickering amongst each other, the wild things are a neurotic family, and for terrible beasts that would just as soon eat you as look at you, they tend to be mostly sorrowful. Their criteria for Max's kinghood? "Can you keep the sadness out?" Of course, this turns out to be more dificult than expected.

I won't go into the plot anymore. A word on the cinematography: I read somewhere that Spike Jonze wanted the film shot more like a nature program than an action flick. This turns out to be a good decision as it gives the movie more of a gritty, earthy feel. The action scenes are still exhilerating, but it doesn't look like a regular blockbuster.

Jonze hardly needed to raise the indie cred for this film, but it didn't hurt to get Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs to work on the soundtrack. I don't know, though, I think that overall, Jonze tried a little too hard to appeal to hipsters with this movie. It doesn't really have a negative impact on the overall film, but if you're like me and you get a little tired of hipsters and their bullshit in general, you might notice it too. Very minor criticism, though.

The only other thing I wanted to say was that I think Max's adventures and troubles with the Wild Things obviously enough relate directly to his homelife and lack of a father figure. Lots of phrases and elements from his home life at the beginning of the movie are reflected in the fantasy element across the seas. I notice this with a lot of kids fantasy movies; like in The Wizard of Oz when Dorothy gets home and recognizes the faces of her family as the same people she met in Oz.

Anyway, excellent movie, should be a classic in years to come, but as I said, mostly for adults. I think the primary mood was a typically adult sadness that we tend to feel when looking back on our childhoods.

8.3

The Faculty

The Faculty
1998
Directed by Robert Rodriguez

I watched this right after Wind Chill, so I'm probably biased in its favour, but I thought it was an awesome movie. It was just fun to watch. Yeah, it doesn't do anything new at all, and I've seen better horror/sci-fi movies. But if you don't have anything better to do, I'd definitely recommend giving it a spin.

The premise of The Faculty is that aquatic alien parasites are attempting to take over the world, starting with an Ohio high school. Some students notice and they have to attempt to stop the invasion before it's too late. The best thing about this plot is that Rodriguez is fully aware of his predecessors (Invasion of the Body Snatchers, The Thing) and pays due homage to them during the movie. You never get the feeling that he's ripping these classics off.

The cast is excellent. Where do I begin? Portraying the student outcasts who discover the plot are: Josh Hartnett in fine form as a brainy drug dealer; Elijah Wood; Laura Harris of "Dead Like Me"; Shawn Hatosy as the star quarterback who quits football to avoid preferential treatment and go back to being a D student ("I earned that D!"); Jordana Brewster (I actually thought it was Kristen Bell at first, oops); and last but not least, Clea DuVall (Girl Interrupted) as a sci-fi nerd who suddenly finds her expertise in some demand. The always reliable Robert "T-1000" Patrick is perfect as the possessed football coach. John Stewart has a small part as a science teacher (?!) Hell, even Usher is in it!


What with my constant glee at the various cast members it's a wonder that I even managed to pay attention to the plot, but it wasn't difficult. You can pretty much guess for yourself what happens. Honestly, it hardly matters. The characters are entertaining and there's plenty of great dialogue, including a scene where Elijah Wood discusses his theory about how the entire science fiction industry has been created to prepare for an actual alien invasion.

That said, I have at least one complaint: crappy-looking CG. It's not the worst I've seen but this was 1998, it doesn't hold up well. However, the final scene features an actual model alien, so that mostly makes up for it. Also (SPOILER) I have to give it big credit for avoiding the "twist" ending that ruins so many otherwise decent horror movies. Don't worry people, no surprises here. Even though it's not nearly as good as the classics it pays tribute to, The Faculty is an enjoyable movie and you should watch it if you like horror and sci-fi.

6.4

Wind Chill

Wind Chill
2007
Directed by Gregory Jacobs

Wind Chill is a low budget horrorish film starring Emily Blunt (from a bunch of movies I've never seen before i.e. The Devil Wears Prada) and Ashton Holmes who played the son in A History of Violence. I can guarantee you that Wind Chill bears no resemblence whatsoever to those films!

This is going to be a pretty short review because I didn't care much for this one. The weird thing is that the acting is actually pretty good. Emily Blunt is quite good as a university student who has a really hard time not being a right bitch, and Holmes plays the nervous stranger (no names given for any characters during the film) giving her a ride home for Christmas with surprising excellence - surprising, that is, for a horror movie. In fact, Wind Chill started out so well, I actually became quite hopeful about its overall quality. The setup is great: A girl needs a ride home for Christmas, and a friend suggests the bulletin board where people are offering to share rides with people going in the same direction. She arranges to get a ride home to Delaware with another student she doesn't know. The drive is pretty awkward. The girl is rude and frigid, but the guy is pathetically earnest nonetheless. The tension builds up as the conversation builds; the guy claims to be from Delaware, but he keeps slipping up on information that he should probably know. Also, he seems to know a little too much about the girl.

At this point, the movie could go anywhere. Unfortunately, as it turns out, the guy takes a "shortcut" down a snowy backroad, and gets run off the road by another motorist. You'll probably never bother watching this movie now, so I'll just say that it's a ghost road and they're stuck there in the freezing cold together, and it turns out the guy set up the whole ride thing just to get a chance to talk to the girl because he has a crush on her, and a ghost police officer/murderer is stalking them (Martin Donovan from "Weeds"), and blah blah blah. For a movie that's only an hour and a half long, it really drags on from the moment they get into the accident.

Bottom line: not recommended, but by no fault of the actors. I wish they had turned it into a weird romantic comedy when the girl found out the guy was stalking her. The ghost story was boring and not scary and totally ruined everything.

3.0

Sugar Crisp

Sugar Crisp Cereal
By Post

I forgot my laptop charger so I didn't get a chance to watch any other movies, so here is a review of Post Sugar Crisp Cereal!

So I haven't had this since I was in high-school. I remember never really liking it back in the day. There's definitely something odd about this cereal. What with all those half-baked Sugar Bear commercials and the strange puffy texture of the cereal, plus its milk-absorbtion quotient, it's a far cry from Cheerios and Frosted Flakes.

Let's start with the mascot. Forget Scoobie-Doo. Sugar Bear should be the icon for stoners everywhere. That motherfucker is high all the time and he never stops smiling. And the song... "Can't get enough of that Sugar Crisp..." Clearly a burn-out cast off from the beat generation, all this jive-talking, sleepy-eyed bear craves is quality "sugar" and breakfast cereal for munchies.

Here are some pros and cons.

Pros: Softer, more streamlined cereal morsels prevent damage to the roof of the mouth; non-crunchy texture differentiates it from other cereals; pleasant if unassuming sugary taste.

Cons: Relatively high milk-absorption quotient - cereal can become soggy and inedible after prolonged soaking; lack of crunch renders eating experience less aurally satisfying; odd underlying wheaty taste contrasts with sugary coating; looks kinda weird; disconcerting mascot.

Overall, better than I remember it being, but no equal to stalwarts such as Golden Grahams and Lucky Charms. Better luck next time Sugar Bear!

... THIS JUST IN. Apparently the cereal has been called Golden Crisp for some time due to image concerns with the more sugary title. However, I really can't be bothered to go downstairs and check the box. If this is the case, one further complaint about the cereal is that it's really much more brown than golden. I know that bear used to sing Sugar Crisp.... hmmm...

4.5

Trick 'r Treat

Trick 'r Treat
2008
Directed by Michael Dougherty

I wanted to see this at the Toronto After Dark film festival, but it was sold out well in advance. Apparently Trick 'r Treat had some positive buzz, but I had never heard of it before. Anyway, it's out on video now so I had a chance to watch it.

It's a horror movie in the tradition of George Romero's underrated Creepshow, basically a series of short horror stories put together in a comic book pastiche. Trick 'r Treat has the added conciet of being a series of interconnected tales occurring in the fictional town of Warren Valley, Ohio, on Halloween night. Normally I hate it when movies attempt the overlapping stories gimmick; however, Dougherty has made the most of it and the narrative device works out quite well. In fact, despite some typical horror fare, Trick 'r Treat is actually rather clever and some of the dialogue definitely rewards repeat viewings.

Like Creepshow, TRT maintains an old school horror sensibility. It's a breath of fresh air for horror fans who are fed up with the torture porn phenomena sweeping the genre these days. Also like Creepshow, TRT is not likely to scare the shit out of horror afficionados, or even most casual viewers. Its virtue lies mainly in its storytelling.

Warren Valley is clearly not your regular town. Residents seem to take Halloween very seriously. Tahmoh Penikett (take note B-Star G fans) begins the movie explaining the ancient tradition of keeping your jack-o-lantern lit until the night is over to his skeptical wife. "You should be more careful," he says. "There are rules. You might upset someone." In Warren Valley, dead souls are closest to the living on Halloween, and those who choose to ignore the rules get duly PWNED.

The great thing about TRT is that it does all the little things right. The lighting and cinematography are excellent. The effects, costume and makeup are pretty classic - definitely a throwback to better, non-CG times. The writing is sharp. There are some solid performances from a good cast: Brian Cox is pitch-perfect as a grumpy old bastard beset upon by a weird little dude in a pumpkin costume; Dylan Baker, as a psychotic principal, turns in his funniest and creepiest role since Happiness; and yeah, Anna Paquin is in there too, but I couldn't stop thinking of her as Sookie Stackouse - see if you can manage it.

TRT keeps its tongue firmly in cheek. Nice to see some humour creeping back into popular horror since Drag me to Hell came out earlier this year. Everything ties nicely together in the end. There's a few surprises to be had as well, but mostly expect a solid, enjoyable, and well-executed film. My only complaint really is that it could have been scarier. But at least you can watch it with your girlfriend without her having a heart attack (ahem, The Descent!) Destined to become a Halloween cult favourite.

7.5

Clash of the Titans

Clash of the Titans
1981
Directed by Desmond Davis

The first thing I want to say is that I hate almost all computer animation. It ruins everything. Remember back in the day? If you wanted a vile creature, you would slap some fur and makeup on a hulking individual and that was that. If you needed a large mob, you'd hire a bunch of extras. If you needed a dinosaur, you would make a goddamned dinosaur out of plasticene and painstakingly create a stopmotion sequence!!! You might even make an actual robot dino or go find some DNA and CLONE an effin dinosaur! At the very least, you could have the decency to stick a dinosaur costume on a dude and have him stomp around. But noooo, we have to use the new technology, trust us, it's much more realistic when movies look just like video game graphics! This is a thing that makes me go "Argh!" CG animated Yoda makes me go apeshit! You know what? I don't wanna talk about it anymore.

I have a lot of respect for filmmakers who had to make due with smaller budgets and had to achieve effects creatively. One such man was Ray Harryhausen, stop-motion animator and effects guru extraordinaire, previously responsible for cool skeleton battles in Jason and the Argonauts and other mythologically-themed stuff. Although not the director, Harryhausen clearly was calling the shots on Clash of the Titans.

Clash basically follows the myth of Perseus (played by Harry Hamlin), which I'm not all that familiar with. Perseus is the son of Zeus and a human woman, Danae. I have to describe how this union occurred: Zeus thought Danae was hot and decided to descend upon her loins as a shower of gold. Yes people... a divine golden shower. Anybody who thinks this is weird might want to recall that Mary the mother of Christ was impregnated by the holy spirit. Personally, I find the Greek myth more colourful. Anyway, Perseus gets shipped off in a crate overseas with his mom, and he grows up in hicksville. The gods intervene and he ends up falling in love with a foreign princess, Andromeda. But then Andomeda's mom pisses off one of gods and she is forced to sacrifice Andomeda to the Kraken, one of the Titans of Greek mythology. (Fact: Actually out of Norse mythology. This movie is not overly accurate.) Daring exploits follow.

Even with some big names in the cast - perennial thespian Laurence Olivier as Zeus, Maggie Smith (Professor McGonagall to all you Harry Potter fans, expelliarmus or whatever) as the goddess Thetus, among others - the real star is Harryhausen and his bitchin animation. Model cities are destroyed by epic sea monsters, Perseus is attacked by giant scorpions, beasts, a two-headed dog (three heads were apparently too much trouble to animate!) and even Medusa. Our hero flies around on a pegasus and is assisted by a mechanical owl. The scenery is quite impressive, even if some of it is clearly greenscreened. You might get a kick out of the occasional cheesy effect or camera trick, but that just adds to the fun. I found myself most impressed by the stop-motion sequences and how accomplished they were. The scene with Medusa is tense and the craftsmanship is stunning. The Kraken is pretty badass as well, in a sort of Creature from the Black Lagoon meets Godzilla way.

Compared to effects-reliant modern movies, Clash looks decidedly old-school. This is, however, its primary virtue. You have to meet it on its own terms. Everything is strung together with the zeal of an elementary-school kid with a shelf full of popular mythology books. If you are not smiling while you watch this movie, there is something seriously wrong with you. It has its faults, but if you're like me, you won't even notice them. Clash of the Titans is undeniably a classic.

8.0

Mallrats

Mallrats
1995
Directed by Kevin Smith

So. Kevin Smith and I go way back. To me Clerks is one of the best independent comedies ever, as well as a metaphor for my unenthusiastic yet occasionally witty life. I hadn't seen Mallrats in years, as I always considered it inferior to Clerks and Chasing Amy. It was better than I remember it being, but also pretty dated.

Smith landed some decent talent in Jason Lee, Shannon Doherty, and Ben Affleck (ahem...) and clearly got the go-ahead to up production levels for his sophomore effort. The result was a film that looked a lot slicker, but pretty much followed Smith's mythos of slacker guys with zero ambition and their troubles with improbably attractive love interests. People, Kevin Smith was all over that shit long before Judd Apatow and Co.. Give the man some credit!

So Brodie (Lee) and friend TS (Jeremy London - never seen this guy in another movie. Does anybody else think this guy looks too much like Brendan Frasier?) both get dumped by their hot girlfriends (Doherty and Claire Forlani) and decide to go hang out at the mall to blow off some steam. The mall? Seriously? As Brodie waxes poetic about the joys of mall loitering, you have to feel that this movie is showing its age a little. Smith makes the most of his setting, though, and improbable capers ensue. What can I say? While Clerks had one foot firmly entrenched in reality, Mallrats ventures fully into parody and comic-book hijinks. Jay and Silent Bob escape from the police using a Bat-grappling hook. In one of the greatest fanboy cameos ever, Stan Lee himself discusses love, regret, and superhero members with spurned Brodie. The results are generally amusing, but juvenile. Depending on what you're into, a scene involving chocolate-covered pretzels will a) render you ill (like me) or b) be a "recipe for hilarity" (ha ha ha.)

It's hard to discuss acting in a Smith film. Most of the characters are funny but one-dimensional. Ben Affleck is sufficiently asshole-y as a men's store manager/back-door-bandit (reminiscent of his role in Dazed and Confused.) It's awesome to see Ethan Suplee (Randy from "My Name Is Earl") collaborating with Jason Lee for (I think) the first time. Jason Mewes is... Jason Mewes; Jay and Silent Bob (director Smith) procure a lot of laughs without being overexploited (shame on you, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back!) Joey Lauren Adams of Chasing Amy fame is cute as hell, but her elfin voice clearly belies her mythological origins; these types of girls do not exist outside of K. Smithland. Jason Lee is hilarious as usual and the other leads are, well, adequate.

The thing with Kevin Smith is that he's a real sap. Most of his movies are romantic comedies with lewd dialogues, adolescent humour, misopedia, and nerd pop culture references thrown in to disguise the underlying sentimentality. Mallrats is no exception. After misunderstandings, the heroes win their girlfriends back in a sufficiently dramatic fashion and villains are duly punished. But unlike recent effort Zack and Miri Make a Porno, somehow Smith manages to maintain an appropriate cheese-to-humour ratio and the movie is mostly successful.

A minor film with a major nostalgia appeal for men of my particular demographic.

6.8 (out of 10)

Yeah, I totally googled misopedia. I am a proud misopedist. You will look up what that means. I am the law.

IMDB vs. ARGH

I spend most of my free time subjecting myself to visual stimuli of the media variety, so I decided to start reviewing everything. Why the hell does the internets need yet another unqualified critic? Well, for one thing: IMDB - 4.9 for Drop Dead Fred? Fight Club and The Dark Knight respectively 19 and 9 on the top 250 list?! Rottentomatoes.com - Last Chance Harvey gets 70% on the Tomatometer?! Did anybody see that movie?! These and other unexplainable phenomena have prompted me to put in my two cents. Also I don't have anything better to do with my time. So... yeah...