Children of the Corn

Children of the Corn
1984
Directed by Fritz Kiersch

I found Children of the Corn somewhat frustrating. On the one hand, the story is based around some interesting ideas that leave you with a few thoughts to chew on once the credits start to roll. On the other, it's an often poorly-executed film that lacks cohesion and defies all logic. It also went on to inspire something like six sequels.

Taking place in the small Nebraska town of Gatlin, Children of the Corn begins ominously as the children of the town slaughter all of the adults in the local coffee house. Turns out they've been hanging out in the cornfields, taking instruction from Isaac, a young preacher with unusual religious beliefs. An odd mix of fanatical Christian fundamentalism and paganism, Isaac has been spreading the word of He Who Walks Behind the Rows, a sort of menacing harvest deity. Small and off the map, Gatlin seems to go unnoticed by the outside world for several years, during which time it is tended to by the children - all the adults being dead. This is all narrated by an annoyingly chipper kid named Job, who lives with his sister Sarah, in hiding from Isaac's followers. Sarah has the completely unnecessary gift of clairvoyance, and can draw pictures of the future. This does not really add anything to the story, and I found it to be distracting.

Vicky and Burt (Linda Hamilton of Terminator and Peter Horton) roll into town on their way to Seattle, and they discover a kid with his throat slashed in the middle of the road. They go for help but of course, all they find are creepy kids who want to kill them. That's the setup. Overall, it's kinda plodding and a little bit tedious at times, but Kiersch manages to keep some tension, and the cornfields and abandoned town are oddly creepy in the middle of the day.



I could go on more about the plot, but really the main reasons I like this movie are merely incidental to the plot. As I said, there are some interesting ideas floating around. For one thing, one might wonder why a wholesome town full of Christian kids would turn into an adult-murdering mob of cultists. The inference drawn from the film is that these kids were already familiar with the sort of fire and brimstone preaching of Isaac; it is in fact eerily similar to many of the fundamentalist Christian sects that exist to this day in some rural parts of America. Isaac's religious diatribe regarding human sacrifice is similar in tone to a Christian rant heard on the radio as Vicky and Burt enter God's country. As Burt points out to them, these kids were in effect groomed for this sort of behaviour. Mob mentality and cruelty come quite naturally to children. What has occurred is like a reverse-order Lord of the Flies. Instead of society falling apart after the removal of adults, lack of adult supervision and the outside influence of Isaac act upon childish impulses to achieve said removal. Of course, the diminutive Isaac cannot achieve this all on his own; as in Lord of the Flies, he too has his bullies to uphold the moral order, personified in the person of Malachai, a red-headed brute who carries out the Lord's dirty work.

I admit, I may be reading too much into a movie that is frequently mediocre. I have a tendency to be forgiving to low-budget films. I sometimes make excuses for them. For instance, why does it take Burt and Vicky so long to figure out what's going on in Gatlin? Clearly abandoned except for a bunch of creepy corn decorations, and also the location of the dead kid they found, and filled with graffitti (in blood, no less) stating "He who walks behind the rows sees all" and other similarly encouraging and wholesome sayings, Gatlin is obviously not the place to be. But, I think to myself, being decent folk, they would have no reason to suspect the rather far-fetched truth. They suffer from the common adult delusion that children are innocent and incapable of committing atrocities.

Less easy to forgive are the film's many incosistencies and its constantly changing tone. At one moment, Vicky and Burt are frantic and upset - after all, they have a dead kid with his throat slashed in their trunk and the distinct feeling that they're being watched. But this doesn't stop them from smiling and making smart-assed remarks minutes later. With its haunting and atmospheric musical score, and its austere and haunting landscape shots, Children of the Corn begs to be taken seriously... and then a jarringly silly and inappropriate bit of dialogue totally screws up the moment. Job's shrill narration would be better left to "Leave it to Beaver" reruns. Still, the scenes with him and his sister have a sort of authenticity; life goes on for these kids. Without exterior influences, they seem to fail to grasp the seriousness of the situation.

The biggest problem for me is the ending. I won't give too much away, just to say that He Who Walks Behind the Rows may not be a myth after all. But you'll probably wish he was, once you see the truly epic crappiness of the effects. I know this film was made on a shoestring budget, but come on people... you'll probably have a fit when you see the sacrificial rocket cross - you'll know when you see it. The movie would have been way more interesting on an intellectual level if this harvest deity didn't exist at all. The conclusion is just ridiculous. You know at the end of "Murder She Wrote" episodes, when the crime had been solved and Angela Lansbury would make some sort of stupid joke and everybody would share the fakest laugh imaginable? Yeah. Things get kind of, um, corny. But really... do they not recall that they have a dead kid in the trunk of their car?!?!

I'd still recommend Children of the Corn. It's entertaining in its own way, and it's a welcome break from your run-of-the-mill horror material. Somewhere behind the hammy writing and cheesy effects is a pretty decent movie.

5.9

Halloween Horror Extravaganza

Since I managed to be not working on Halloween, I popped by the video store and rented a bunch of horror flicks. I don't really feel like doing full reviews for all of them, so here's a bunch of short reviews.

The Wicker Man

1973

Directed by Robin Hardy

Really unconventional horror film about a British lawman who goes to a small island off the coast of Scotland to search for a missing girl, but ends up discovering a pagan society that might be bent on human sacrifice.

In some ways The Wicker Man doesn't really hold up too well. For one thing, I think that when it was made, people in a predominantly Christian society would have found the Pagan rituals and traditions rather more disconcerting than modern audiences. Sergeant Howie's constant shock and disgust at the decidedly earthy and profane goings on in the society on the island are somewhat comical to me. However, Edward Woodward plays the role of the Christian straight man rather well. The redoubtable Christopher Lee plays Lord Summerisle, the leader of the pagan society, with typical force and zeal.

This movie really creeps up on you. At first the bucolic setting and folksy music make it seem like anything but a horror movie. But as Woodward grows frustrated by the lack of cooperation on the island, and delves deeper into the nature of the case, things start to get a bit unnerving. Personally, I didn't find the end all that surprising... rather inevitable, really - but maybe you won't, who knows. Anyway, The Wicker Man is well worth seeing if you're willing to go out on a limb. For me, it was really after the movie was finished that it struck me as something of a horror masterpiece. It's also a satisfying and elaborate revenge fantasy depending on your point of view.

8.8

Drag Me to Hell

2009

Directed by Sam Raimi

Sam Raimi's return to the horror genre is a welcome break from really crappy Spider Man movies. Only somebody of Raimi's acumen could somehow retain my respect after the horror that was Spider Man 3 and Peter Parker's emo dance-a-thon. I wish I didn't have to think of that whenever I think about Sam Raimi, but movies like DMTH certainly help to repress the memory.

So. DMTH is a funny, vicious, gross and mostly excellent horror film with a somewhat old-school feel to it. Many of Raimi's trademarks are here: the heroine is subjected to a barrage of disgusting fluids a la Evil Dead; evil demons mock the living with characteristic frivolity. Alison Lohman is as good as could be expected as a bank loan type of person who pisses of an old gypsy lady (note to self: do not piss off the Roma!) and has a curse put upon her. Basically in three days a demon will literally drag her soul into hell. Fairly literal title. The movie consists of Lohman being tormented and trying her best to apease the demon with the help of fortune tellers, seances, a skeptical boyfriend (JUSTIN LONG, YAY) and maybe even some good ole animal sacrifice.

Things move quickly and there's enough cheap scares to go around, but a few genuinely good ones as well, plus DMTH is pretty damn funny. Kudos to Raimi for just putting it all out there and making a really entertaining movie. Unfortunately, some of the effects are cheesy-looking and on the silly side. In the end, not exactly a classic, but certainly a return to form.

7.7

The Leafs lose 4-5 in the shootout to the crappy Habs

This was a low point of the day when, despite tying it up with two goals in the last few minutes of regulation, Toskala was typically shitty during the shootout and we lost. Again. To the Habs. I hate those guys. And Montreal fans are the worst too. Fuck you if you're a Montreal fan. Why doesn't Toskala go out of the net to challenge people instead of leaving a whole panorama of open net for them to shoot at? Why is Lee Stempniak considered a sniper when he doesn't even look like he has half a chance on both a clean breakaway and a shootout opportunity on a backup goaltender? This shit was just bad news bears all the way.

0.2

Dog Soldiers

2002

Directed by Neil Marshall

I thought this looked subpar, so I avoided renting it for ages. Stupid, because I didn't realize that Marshall also directed one of the greatest horror movies of all time, The Descent. Dog Soldiers is accurately described as a sort of Predator with werewolves melange. A British military unit gets dropped off in the middle of the woods in Scotland for a training mission, but instead they find a mostly dead special ops squadron and a bunch of mean-spirited werewolves. They barricade themselves inside a cottage and proceed to defend themselves.

Pretty typical stuff, but it's all done really well. The cast is great - they have a lot of character, and the amusing and sometimes witty dialogue makes you actually care whether they live or die, which is more than I can say for most horror flicks. I don't recognize any of them from any other movies, but Sean Pertwee and Kevin McKidd were both above average. I was at my buddy's place watching this and we all laughed our asses off pretty frequently. But the effects were also pretty good for a low budget film. The werewolves looked pretty legit - huge and kinda scary.

Best part: no stupid CG, these were real beasts. Dunno how they did it, costumes I guess. We were satisfied.

7.8

[Rec]

2007

Directed by Jaume Balaguero and Paco Plaza

Wow. I read some good things about this Spanish film (which was made into a crappy American film, Quarantine), so I decided to check it out. Why oh why did I wait so long? "Holy shit" is the best way for me to describe it. I won't say anything about the plot except that basically it's about a small TV show crew that accompanies a few firefighters on a routine emergency call to a small apartment, except that things go awry big time.

The whole movie is shot from the handheld camera used by the TV crew. I thought that this gimmick had been done to death, but it works so well in Rec that you don't even think of it as a gimmick. Actually, during the whole movie, I just kept thinking, "god damn this is realistic." It does not seem like a movie so much as a document left over from a total nightmare. Rec is intense as hell. Once it gets going, there's no stopping it. Things get worse and worse. I wouldn't even recommend it to some people because it's maybe too intense and scary, but you know what, my scaredy-cat girlfriend watched the whole thing and was only mildly traumatized.

Anyway, I think it's a nearly perfect movie. I have no idea if the acting was good because it was all in breakneck Spanish, but it seemed pretty bloody convincing to me. The ending is just... wow. A masterpiece of the horror genre.

9.5

Later on everybody went to bed, but for me it was time for:

The Last House on the Left

1972

Directed by Wes Craven

Some sources might lead you to believe that this is a landmark horror film. Well, it is, in some ways. It's a total landmark of crap that you should never watch.

I was in the mood for some good old sadism, and I heard that this was a pretty infamous movie. I should preface this by saying that torture porn is really not my cup of tea. I for one am totally sick of all these bullshit Saw and Hostel type movies coming out. Humourless, plotless crap about people being tortured in various ways does not strike me as cinematic gold. It's mostly just boring. So why would I rent a movie about a trio of rapists and their shifty girlfriend who kidnap two teenage girls in order to rape, torment, and kill them? I have no idea. I guess I was just wondering what the big deal was.

As it turns out, there's no big deal at all. The raping and torture is anything but harrowing. The acting is crap all around. The music sounds like stupid capers themes from a Warner Bros. cartoon. There is some lame crap where the cops are trying to catch these guys but they keep getting held up (i.e. they run out of gas at one point, haw haw haw, and then they try to hitch a ride with a lady with a bunch of chickens in the back, but she won't move the chickens, haw haw haw...) Seriously, I can't describe to you how stupid this movie is. The killers end up hiding out in the house of one of the girls parents, and the parents find out who they are and it turns into a lousy revenge movie where they seek retribution for the murder of their daughter... by torturing the killers. Not really clever enough to be ironic, this plot device is mainly dull and predictable. I had to fast-forward through parts of Last House because it was putting me to sleep and I wanted to see how it would end so I could write this dumb review. There was nothing good about this movie except for some boobs if you're into that.

0.2

I went to bed but then I had two more movies to watch at work the next day:

Hatchet

2006

Directed by Adam Green

I didn't have high expectations for this movie, and I think that worked in my favour. All in all, it wasn't the worst thing I've ever seen. Parts were pretty entertaining. But overall, I wouldn't highly recommend it.

Starring some b-to-c-list actors and featuring some really dull cameos from horror icons like Robert (Freddy Kreuger) Englund, Hatchet tries its best to summon up old-school cred, but mostly fails. Englund, for instance, is completely wasted as an alligator-hunting hick. This is pretty much how the whole film goes - wasted potential.

The plot? Some tourists go on a haunted bayou tour in New Orleans and end up getting attacked by a deranged undead mutant named Victor Crowley. That's it. My first complaint is that the humour is god-awful. I mean, really bad. Mercifully I don't remember any of the jokes, so I'll spare you. Second, boobs don't automatically make a movie good. Please, let's be a little more inspired. How about the scene in Mosquito when some poor woman gets the life sucked out of her ass by a giant mosquito while macking a guy? That's what I'm talking about! Not this completely unrelated boobage. That might catch the eye of the adolescent phillistine, but as for me, I say, "This aggression will not stand!" Another crappy thing about Hatchet: the terrible, terrible lighting. So bad. The bayou looks like backstage for a high-school rendition of Swamp Thing. Unidentified light illuminates the set like the sun itself (slight exaggeration.) A little hard to be scared. Actually, a lot hard.

So what does this movie have going for it? A good villain. Crowley is one hell of a beast; sort of like a redneck mutant Jason Voorhees. People are torn apart and utterly destroyed in a variety of ways. Yep, this movie is gory enough. In fact, for its low budget, the carnage is pretty gruesome and impressive. At least they got one thing right. Crowley is one relentless motherfucker and you've got to sort of give credit to the filmmakers for their directness. Hatchet doesn't pretend to be anything other than a crappy b-movie slasher. A little help with the writing and production probably would have gone a long way, but you get the feeling that they made the best of it.

Overall, not very good but worth a rental for horror fanatics looking for some truly gruesome deaths that might just blow ya mind.

4.9

Dead Snow

2009

Directed by Tommy Wirkola

I had heard mixed reviews about this Norwegian Nazi zombie romp, but hey... Nazi zombies. I had to try.

One problem I have to talk about right off the bat is: what's with the running zombies lately? Okay, 28 Days Later was rage virus, not the same thing exactly. But what about the Dawn of the Dead remake? Why can zombies really jet all of a sudden? Aren't they supposed to be sluggish because they're, um, dead? Let's explore a further possibility. Assuming you're a zombie... doesn't your blood circulation sort of, well, stop? Or at least slow down considerably? Now consider what might happen if you'd been hanging around in the middle of a frozen mountain range in Norway since, oh, I don't know, 1945? Don't you think that maybe your body would rather seize up? Might it not be difficult to run around at speeds comparable to a warm-blooded and athletic human?

These questions all lead me to posit that Dead Snow is not a zombie movie at all - serious false advertising. No, these Nazis may be undead, but they sure aren't zombies. They're not mindless consumers for one thing; they appear to be organized under Herzog, their fiendish commander. They seem to desire riches more than human flesh. They're pretty damned agile for the walking dead. Nope, these are not zombies in any sense of the term.

If you get over that, Dead Snow is not a terrible movie, but it's a little dull. It has its moments of gory inspiration, sure. The undead look pretty groovy. The acting is not too bad. I tend to just like Scandinavian people implicitly, so I guess I'm probably favourably biased toward this film. But something just doesn't click. There are some great scenes, sure. It's fun to watch a couple of Norwegian medical students wailing away at undead Nazis with a variety of hammers and pointy things. The undead themselves look pretty legit. But somehow, I just wish these Nazi sons of bitches would get their asses kicked a little more. They seem a little too unstoppable at times. I would like to see the whole lot of them get owned. I guess I just can't stand Nazis. Thank you Hellboy comics! In fact, reading about Hellboy beating the shit out of an army of undead frozen Nazis would be much better than watching Dead Snow. Mike Mignola, take note!!

Until that happens, Dead Snow is probably worth a rental for horror buffs with nothing else to watch.

5.7

Kiki's Delivery Service

Kiki's Delivery Service
1989
Directed by Hayao Miyazaki

Many people are familiar with Hayao Miyazaki and Studion Ghibli because of Princess Mononoke and Spirited Away, two of my favourite movies. Miyazaki, often called "the Japanese Walt Disney," has been a prolific creator of animated movies for children and adults (and continues to be, as he just released the well-received Ponyo earlier this year.) The thing is, Miyazaki is better than disney. His characters are more complex, his imagination has no bounds, and there are no embarassing musical interludes to be found in any of his movies. (Yeah, yeah, Disney was pretty good too...)

I'm a bit obsessed with this guy - actually I bought all of his movies together earlier this year, a bit of an impulse buy. But really, they're probably the most consistent collection of animated feature films you will ever get your hands on, so don't hesitate to do so.

Kiki's Delivery Service is markedly different from most of the other Studio Ghibli films. It's a story about a thirteen-year-old witch who leaves home for a year on a traditional pilgrimmage before becoming a proper witch. It does not contain: antagonists; magic, other than flying on a broom and a talking cat; battles; a handsome prince. All of this works in its favour. A relatively conflict-free film, it's mostly about Kiki's attempts at establishing herself in the world and building her confidence.

Anyone could be forgiven for thinking that this would be the most boring movie in the world. Actually, it's totally engaging from the very beginning, but in a very down-to-earth way; it's actually a movie you can relate to. After leaving home, Kiki finds herself in a beautifully realized, bustling seaside city that she adopts as her new home. Lacking any other magical skills, she decides to use her flying ability to start a delivery service (surprise surprise.) While there, she meets Tombo, a young aviation enthusiast who takes an immediate shine to her (but not so much the other way around.) Of course, business and the opposite sex are both pretty difficult for a thirteen-year-old girl. Kiki also has a tendency to get depressed, especially when the world doesn't meet her rather naive standards of kindness and decency.

This is the kind of kid's movie that children should actually be watching. Forget the implicit message in Disney films that you've gotta marry a rich prince or end up an old hag; forget "ultimate good vs. ultimate evil." Kids might actually learn something from this independent girl who makes a go of it while not asking too much of life, and is thoroughly decent to everybody she meets.

But the real reason I love this movie is the animation. Absolutely stunning, kick-ass, awesome animation. Every scene is beautiful. Even when nothing is happening in th emovie, there is something interesting to look at. The level of artistry in any Miyazaki film is, I think, unparallelled anywhere else. Kiki's Delivery Service is no exception. It's a joy just to see simple sights such as a busy street, geese in flight, a small bakery, the movement of grass in the wind. If there were no plot whatsoever, I would still watch this movie. Dialing down the high fantasy aspects of many of his other films, Miyazaki finds in KDS a certain wonder in the mundane - I almost wish he would make some more movies like it.

I would recommend this movie to mostly anybody. Fans of old-school animation in particular will be in heaven. Kids should really enjoy it also, provided they haven't been screwed up already by the sex and action shit that Hollywood seems intent on directing their way. If even a bitter cynic like myself can enjoy KDS, I suppose only a totaly soulless bastard would find it less than completely charming. One of the best from Studio Ghibli and Hayao Miyazaki.

9.4

By the way, I watched it in Japanese with English subtitles, but English dub is available on the same disc from Disney (who bought the rights to many of the Studio Ghibli titles.) I have no idea how the dubbing is, and I don't intend to find out because it drives me crazy.

New Waterford Girl

New Waterford Girl
1999
Directed by Allan Moyle

Not a lot of people seem to know this quirky independent Canadian film set in New Waterford, Cape Breton. It's a shame, because it's a pretty good coming-of-age comedy, and all the better for its setting. It's actually written by one-time New Waterford resident, Tricia Fish, who adds a lot of authenticity to the dialogues, making this a rare East Coast that those of us from away might actually get a chance to see.

New Waterford Girl stars Liane Balaban (One Week) as fifteen-year-old Mooney Pottie. Mooney spends most of her time reading, memorizing maps of various large cities, and daydreaming of leaving the sleepy seaside town of New Waterford. New Waterford itself seems to be something of a ridiculous charicature of rural east coast life, where people are told to "go and eat your halibut," bullies cower before the Virgin Mary, and pregnancy out of wedlock is tantamount to mortal sin... but with Fish writing, who knows how close to reality this really is! With the arrival of Lou, a young girl from New York City (played by Tara Spencer-Nairn, who Canadians will recognize as Karen from "Corner Gas"), Mooney finds a new friend and confidante. Spurred on by the outgoing Lou, Mooney comes up with an, um, original plan to get herself out of New Waterford and into an art school in New York.

For me, this movie is really enjoyable because of the little things in it: all the local details, the austere and beautiful landscapes of Cape Breton, the many smaller roles, many filled by east coast actors, and the mostly subtle humour interlaced into even the sourest of scenes. Nicholas Campbell always cracks me up as Mooney's grumpy bastard of a father. Andrew McCarthy is pretty good as Mooney's soul-searching teacher.... / love interest?? Hey, teachers, leave them kids alone! Well, in this particular case I can see his point. There's also some awesome jabs at Ontarians and Toronto in particular that I find hilarious; Canada, your name is regionalism! I also think it's funny how Mooney's rebellions all still tend to fit in with her Catholic upbringing. I like that element, it keeps this story more down-to-earth than it could have been otherwise.




The problem is, not everything works well in this movie. There is a running thing about how if you punch somebody and knock them out, that means they're guilty (of, uh, something). Lou seems to have this power, and people like to interpret it as being given by the Virgin Mary to smite evildoers. For a bunch of xenophobes, it seems a rather big stretch to think that the townspeople would use it as a benchmark for proving guilt or innocence in a given situation. I don't know, I just thought it was stupid, personally.

If not underrated, New Waterford Girl is definitely an under-viewed gem - perhaps a little tarnished around the edges. Definitely worth a look for anybody, bonus if you're Canadian to boot.

7.1

Where the Wild Things Are

Where the Wild Things Are
2009
Directed by Spike Jonze

Maybe you're thinking to yourself, "oh man, Where the Wild Things Are, so awesome," but should you believe the hype? Well, I'd say yes, this is an excellent movie, but perhaps not exactly what you're expecting. The first thing I'll say is don't bring the kids. I'd say that about pretty much any movie at all, because I hate it when your kids are there ruining my moviegoing experience, but really: Wild Things, not particularly for the children. Nonetheless, kids would probably find some things to like about it.

Spike Jonze has managed to turn Maurice Sendak's beloved children's book (which was all of ten pages or so, as far as I can remember) into a wonder of a film. Imaginative, funny, visually stunning, and, most surprisingly to me, full of depth and sadness, this is not your average blockbuster. The story starts on an unexpectedly downcast note with the neglected Max, played with surprising ferocity and depth by Max Records (Brothers Bloom, which I sadly haven't seen yet.) Records is clearly "out of control" at the beginning of the film, as his mother tells him, but he seems to just be begging for more attention. Catherine Keener is good as Max's beleaguered single mom.

After a vicious encounter with his mother, Max runs away from home and literally sails to the land of the Wild Things. As far as I know, these guys (and gals) were portrayed by puppets, but with CG tweaking during post-production to make them more emotive. Amazingly true to Sendak's art, the wild things were pretty impressive. Max lands himself right in the middle and ends up becoming the kind of the wild things. This could easily have been a light-hearted fantasy flick from this point on, but I guess it wouldn't exactly be a Spike Jonze film then. Constantly bickering amongst each other, the wild things are a neurotic family, and for terrible beasts that would just as soon eat you as look at you, they tend to be mostly sorrowful. Their criteria for Max's kinghood? "Can you keep the sadness out?" Of course, this turns out to be more dificult than expected.

I won't go into the plot anymore. A word on the cinematography: I read somewhere that Spike Jonze wanted the film shot more like a nature program than an action flick. This turns out to be a good decision as it gives the movie more of a gritty, earthy feel. The action scenes are still exhilerating, but it doesn't look like a regular blockbuster.

Jonze hardly needed to raise the indie cred for this film, but it didn't hurt to get Karen O of the Yeah Yeah Yeahs to work on the soundtrack. I don't know, though, I think that overall, Jonze tried a little too hard to appeal to hipsters with this movie. It doesn't really have a negative impact on the overall film, but if you're like me and you get a little tired of hipsters and their bullshit in general, you might notice it too. Very minor criticism, though.

The only other thing I wanted to say was that I think Max's adventures and troubles with the Wild Things obviously enough relate directly to his homelife and lack of a father figure. Lots of phrases and elements from his home life at the beginning of the movie are reflected in the fantasy element across the seas. I notice this with a lot of kids fantasy movies; like in The Wizard of Oz when Dorothy gets home and recognizes the faces of her family as the same people she met in Oz.

Anyway, excellent movie, should be a classic in years to come, but as I said, mostly for adults. I think the primary mood was a typically adult sadness that we tend to feel when looking back on our childhoods.

8.3

The Faculty

The Faculty
1998
Directed by Robert Rodriguez

I watched this right after Wind Chill, so I'm probably biased in its favour, but I thought it was an awesome movie. It was just fun to watch. Yeah, it doesn't do anything new at all, and I've seen better horror/sci-fi movies. But if you don't have anything better to do, I'd definitely recommend giving it a spin.

The premise of The Faculty is that aquatic alien parasites are attempting to take over the world, starting with an Ohio high school. Some students notice and they have to attempt to stop the invasion before it's too late. The best thing about this plot is that Rodriguez is fully aware of his predecessors (Invasion of the Body Snatchers, The Thing) and pays due homage to them during the movie. You never get the feeling that he's ripping these classics off.

The cast is excellent. Where do I begin? Portraying the student outcasts who discover the plot are: Josh Hartnett in fine form as a brainy drug dealer; Elijah Wood; Laura Harris of "Dead Like Me"; Shawn Hatosy as the star quarterback who quits football to avoid preferential treatment and go back to being a D student ("I earned that D!"); Jordana Brewster (I actually thought it was Kristen Bell at first, oops); and last but not least, Clea DuVall (Girl Interrupted) as a sci-fi nerd who suddenly finds her expertise in some demand. The always reliable Robert "T-1000" Patrick is perfect as the possessed football coach. John Stewart has a small part as a science teacher (?!) Hell, even Usher is in it!


What with my constant glee at the various cast members it's a wonder that I even managed to pay attention to the plot, but it wasn't difficult. You can pretty much guess for yourself what happens. Honestly, it hardly matters. The characters are entertaining and there's plenty of great dialogue, including a scene where Elijah Wood discusses his theory about how the entire science fiction industry has been created to prepare for an actual alien invasion.

That said, I have at least one complaint: crappy-looking CG. It's not the worst I've seen but this was 1998, it doesn't hold up well. However, the final scene features an actual model alien, so that mostly makes up for it. Also (SPOILER) I have to give it big credit for avoiding the "twist" ending that ruins so many otherwise decent horror movies. Don't worry people, no surprises here. Even though it's not nearly as good as the classics it pays tribute to, The Faculty is an enjoyable movie and you should watch it if you like horror and sci-fi.

6.4

Wind Chill

Wind Chill
2007
Directed by Gregory Jacobs

Wind Chill is a low budget horrorish film starring Emily Blunt (from a bunch of movies I've never seen before i.e. The Devil Wears Prada) and Ashton Holmes who played the son in A History of Violence. I can guarantee you that Wind Chill bears no resemblence whatsoever to those films!

This is going to be a pretty short review because I didn't care much for this one. The weird thing is that the acting is actually pretty good. Emily Blunt is quite good as a university student who has a really hard time not being a right bitch, and Holmes plays the nervous stranger (no names given for any characters during the film) giving her a ride home for Christmas with surprising excellence - surprising, that is, for a horror movie. In fact, Wind Chill started out so well, I actually became quite hopeful about its overall quality. The setup is great: A girl needs a ride home for Christmas, and a friend suggests the bulletin board where people are offering to share rides with people going in the same direction. She arranges to get a ride home to Delaware with another student she doesn't know. The drive is pretty awkward. The girl is rude and frigid, but the guy is pathetically earnest nonetheless. The tension builds up as the conversation builds; the guy claims to be from Delaware, but he keeps slipping up on information that he should probably know. Also, he seems to know a little too much about the girl.

At this point, the movie could go anywhere. Unfortunately, as it turns out, the guy takes a "shortcut" down a snowy backroad, and gets run off the road by another motorist. You'll probably never bother watching this movie now, so I'll just say that it's a ghost road and they're stuck there in the freezing cold together, and it turns out the guy set up the whole ride thing just to get a chance to talk to the girl because he has a crush on her, and a ghost police officer/murderer is stalking them (Martin Donovan from "Weeds"), and blah blah blah. For a movie that's only an hour and a half long, it really drags on from the moment they get into the accident.

Bottom line: not recommended, but by no fault of the actors. I wish they had turned it into a weird romantic comedy when the girl found out the guy was stalking her. The ghost story was boring and not scary and totally ruined everything.

3.0